Just a Little Bit of Me

The Job Hunt is Over

2011-09-15T00:46:00.000-07:00

And to hell with unemployment.

It's over folks. My long job hunt officially ended today. I signed the job offer, and mailed it off. No more looking. No more tweaking resumes. No more pretending to be interested in companies when I couldn't care less.

It's over.

Really.
Over.

Now my life can go on. Do you know how paralyzing unemployment is? It's awful. You have no income, and thus very little--if any--resources. And because you feel so restricted due to having little or no money to spend, it cascades over into everything else. Even things you do have the resources to do are difficult to do, because you're in this mindset of "I can't do anything because I have no income." You're paralyzed. I hate it.

But now, it's all but over. All I have left to do is pack up, move across the country, settle in, and start working. Okay, there's still a ways left to go, but there really is an end now. No more hoping. No more listening to people telling you it will all work out. No more rejections after being so tantalizingly close.

It's really over.

I'll be moving to Washington D.C. to begin work as an Accounting Systems Analyst with Marriott International at their corporate headquarters. I'll be part of a group that makes sure Marriott's accounting software, procedures, and overall systems function properly. I start on October 17, and will be leaving Utah for D.C. on Oct. 3. I plan to live in Bethesda, Maryland which is where Marriott corporate headquarters are located; Bethesda is about 8-10 miles outside of downtown Washington.

I'm really quite excited about this job. It's amazing that I got it, and I often don't realize how big a blessing it is. The job really is great for me. I'm really interested in what I'll be doing. I like the company. I like the location--I've been wanting to move to D.C. for some time now. The job actually has real work-life balance which is very important to me. The salary is sufficient for my needs and a couple of my wants. And I get a discount on hotels. It's a far better job than an entry-level person often gets, and I'm very excited about it.

Good things do come to those who wait. And good things come to those who wait, then kind of give up on getting what they really want because they thought they were aiming too high, but still keep trying anyway. I've been blessed with this job. I had given up on actually thinking I would get a job that I was this happy about, but I suppose my hope and faith was good enough.

I really am happy about this.

Of course, there is a downside to all of this. I'm actually going to have to work!!

Yup, my alarm clock will be used more than once a week, and when it's used, it won't be going off at 8:30. Forty hours per week, PER WEEK! Please see clip below (After about twenty seconds, it has nothing to do with this post...just so you know.)

But yeah, I'll be working. Weird co-workers, people who won't turn their speakers down so you hear every little chime from their computer. Deadlines, evaluations, laughing at your boss's jokes when they aren't funny. Ahh...back to office life.

But I'm really glad to be doing it. You grow a lot with a job, and having income lets you do a lot more with you life. I'm excited to have a job.

Well, that's the big announcement of the blog for today. I'll be putting it on Facebook soon, but I thought my loyal readers should know before the Facebookers do.

Since HR personnel shouldn't be reading my blog anymore to screen me out as a candidate, the restrictions are gone.

Thanks always for reading and for your support. I often feel that you, my blog readers--15 of you--understand me better than most, and that I can really express myself to you without fear of judgment. Thanks for that.

I Love a Woman That Can Eat

2011-08-25T22:38:00.001-07:00

I really do. There’s just something hot about a woman that can put it down.

Tonight, I cut myself a slice of cheesecake, a REALLY big slice. Then I asked her how big she a slice she wanted. She said as big as mine.

Oh…

Sexy…

I gave her a piece bigger than mine.

She ate it all.

It was hot.

I love a woman that can put it down.

Leave My Computer Alone

2011-07-31T23:20:00.000-07:00

Can I just say that it really, really bugs me when someone uses my computer, and then changes things around without asking or telling me?

Yeah, I'm the type that freaks out when MS Word comes up differently today than it has in the last three years.

And to the computer illiterate, I say this:

Computers are here to stay. Quit complaining about how they're ruining society, and how you shouldn't have to learn one just because you were a wiz at shorthand. Maybe they did ruin society, but that's in the past. They're here to stay; learn to use them.

And don't freak out when all the windows move out of the way when you put the mouse in the corner of the monitor. It's called an active screen corner.

And it's wonderful.

Just A Compliment...Nothing More

2011-07-24T21:46:00.000-07:00

To you Miss Attractive Female who gave me a compliment, I say this:

"I'm going to treat your compliment as a compliment--nothing more. I won't take it as an invitation to ask you out. I won't view it as a sign that you want to date me. I won't infer that you want to be more than friends. I'll just presume that you thought I was worthy of a good compliment, and I thank you for it."

"And the same goes for you, cute girl who gave me a birthday gift. I'll treat it as a gift, that one friend gives to another. I won't avoid you because I wrongly interpret your gift as a symbol of affection. I won't arrogantly ask you out thinking your gift was really your investment in the Ryan T. Scoffield Trust of Endless--and wonderful, I might add--love and passion. I'll just assume that your gift was given because you're a nice person, and because you appreciate my friendship. Thank you, and I vow to not read too deep into your gift."

I've always said, "It's a dangerous business, complimenting girls." And surely it is. The same could go for girls complimenting men, also.

I've withheld compliments from girls solely because I don't want them to think I'm in love with them. (To be fair, I've withheld gifts from girls solely because I'm cheap). And this is a sad thing! People deserve compliments, but you can rarely give them to a person of the opposite gender because far too often they think you're complimenting them because you like them. As soon as the compliment is given, they shy away, and think you like them, when all you wanted to do was give them the praise they deserved a long time ago.

It's sad really. But I vow to not make that mistake again. To those compliments received, to that gift I accepted--I thank their givers. And no, I'll assume you just want to make my day better--and you did. We'll leave the love for another time.

A Compliment

2011-06-22T10:31:00.001-07:00

Yesterday, I was commenting to a couple of friends how I had a small, little crush on a certain girl I had just met and talked to briefly that night. To which, one of my friends said:

"I don't know Ryan, I think she's a little too bubbly for you."

I took it as a compliment.

Which Name Do I Use?

2011-06-09T15:19:00.001-07:00

So I’ve been emailing back and forth about a job opening at a company. Yesterday, someone else was brought into the emails, and I had to email this person today. But here is the problem:

The first name on the email address is “James.” But the name listed in the signature line of the email I sent is “Jaime.”

So…which is it?

I mean, I don’t want to say “Thanks Jaime!” to a guy who’s name is James! But…what if I’m actually talking to Jaime? I don’t want to say “Thanks James!”

Is the person’s name James, but he prefers going by Jamie—despite it typically being a girls’ name?

It’s like when you see a baby, but you can’t tell the gender. I hate that, cause you don’t want to get it wrong and offend the parents, but you also don’t want to show that you can’t tell what gender it is, because that may offend them too!

I hate situations like that.

I really had no idea what name to use, and flipping a coin didn’t seem like the best option.

So, I didn’t use the name at all. I worded it so I didn’t have to use his/her name. I thought it was a clever solution—one I learned in English class long ago. If you don’t know how to write it, write something else.

And on another note, please name your children gender-specific names.

And I really hate the fact that they are naming girls “Ryan” now.

I truly do hate it.

Something Annoying This Way Comes

2011-06-09T15:05:00.001-07:00

Sorry for the whole cliffhanger thing from my last blog post. But you’ve waited long enough, so hear it is.

Yesterday, I went to institute. And right before this girl who I checked out during all two hours of stake conference walked past me and smiled at me, something annoying happened.

There’s this girl who is dating a guy in our ward, and she comes to a lot of the activities, so most of us wardies know who she is, but I’ve never really talked to her.

They’re an annoying couple. They’re very affectionate in public, which I think drives people away from really talking with them, but they pretend like no one is bothered by their PDAs.

Anyway. At institute, she comes up to me while I’m talking with somebody and sticks her left hand in front of my face. It took a few seconds of forced staring at a rather unsightly hand to realize that this was her left hand, and that she had a recently placed engagement ring on her ring finger.

At first I’m thinking, “Are you serious? Did you really just do that?”

I then faked like I was excited for her, and gave her my insincere congratulations. But of course, I couldn’t have cared less. I then resumed talking with the other person, mainly in an attempt to get her to go away. It worked.

I guess she didn’t realize that a guy who is almost 28, single, and blogged about a girl he checked out for two hours straight—i.e. he has no prospects—doesn’t care if someone he really doesn’t know gets engaged.

It just bugs me when people use their engagement and marriage to boost their pride and ego. Sure, you’re excited, but do you really need to flash your ring in front of peoples’ faces? Be excited with your fiancé and those close to you.

I just found the whole thing annoying.

Much Ado About Nothing

2011-06-01T21:54:00.000-07:00

I have failed you my readers, I have failed you. I just have to admit it, I’m a bad blogger. I just am! But I’m not giving up though; I’ll try to be better.

I want to give you an amazing post, but I don’t think it’s going to happen, but I’ll try.

Here it goes.

Yesterday, I went to institute. And right before this girl who I checked out during all two hours of stake conference walked past me and smiled at me, something annoying happened. Okay, before I get to that, I’ll tell you about the girl I just mentioned.

Don’t get excited; nothing happened. But during stake conference a while back, there was this girl sitting on the stand with the choir. She was right in my line of sight while looking at the speaker. I didn’t even have to turn my head to see her. And as we all know, stake conference can get a little boring at times, and who doesn’t like sweetening things up with a little eye candy? So…if there happens to be a really cute girl just behind the speaker, right in your line of sight, who isn’t going to look at her over and over again?

If you’re judging me right now, just think of it this way. You’re listening to something like:

“And I just love the girls in my relief…” sobb…sniffle “…society.” – pause – “They’re just so amazing and…I swore I wouldn’t cry…” – grabs tissue and regains composure – “I just love them so much!”

Yeah, like that’s exciting for a guy to listen to. Or how about this (coming from an adult relief society leader):

“Brothers, there are just so many good, wonderful, and amazing sisters out there that never get asked out by you brethren! Get to it! Ask them!”

Right.

And who can forget the long, boring life story that has absolutely no doctrine—or entertainment value—at all?

So yes, if you judged me for my incessant checking out of a really cute girl, just put yourself in my uncomfortable dress shoes for a minute—you would have been scarfing down the eye candy too—just like a toddler with his bag of Cheerios. By the way, none of those above examples happened in this stake conference, but let’s be honest, it has happened.

So anyway, after about an hour and a half of my eye candy feast, I’m pretty sure the girl figured it all out. She started meeting my gaze and staring back. But she didn’t have that pissed-off-because-some-guy-has-been-creepily-staring-at-me-for-two-hours look on her face that I expected her to have. Rather, I think she kind of liked it.

Note: I could be totally wrong here. End note.

I mean, any girl—or guy—who is being stared at—creepily or not—or stalked, should at least take it as a complement before getting scared and freaking out. So I think she liked it a little bit. I even thought about trying to talk to her after the meeting. But alas, the crowds that stood between us were a Red Sea to my exodus of love, and I was no Moses—and I was a wuss. The crowds did not part, so I left without even saying a word to this damsel of such fine beauty.

I saw her last night, at institute, and something annoying happened right after this girl who I checked out during all two hours of stake conference walked past me and smiled at me. I’ll get to that annoying something later.

But I wonder. Did she remember me? Was this a good smile? Or was it a the-only-action-you’ll-ever-get-from-me-is-this-smile, smile? Alas, I will not know tonight, and nor will you.

And for that annoying thing that happened. Well, that’ll have to wait for the next post.

And this post truly is—to use my good friends Bill’s phrase—much ado about nothing.

Until I blog again, my friends.

Chinese Food Samples

2011-04-25T19:06:00.000-07:00

Today I went to the mall during my lunch break. The lady at the Chinese Food stand offered me a sample. I took it. I later observed that she was offering samples to everyone, and being assertive about it as well. They’re always like that.

I then thought, there is a girl in my ward that I was quasi-pursuing, and she is just like that sample lady: she offers a little bit to everyone—but nothing when you ask for more.

Girl Music—My Confession

2011-04-24T22:20:00.000-07:00

So I like listening to music by female artists. To be a bit more specific: Rihanna, Lady Gaga, Leona Lewis, Kate Nash, and others. But I feel a little embarrassed about it sometimes.

Many of these songs are about boys and how they frustrate women. You know, “Telephone” by Lady Gaga talks about the annoying boyfriend that calls while she’s “at a par-tay.” Kate Nash talks about how she “just wants your kiss, boy, kiss, boy, kiss, boy—I just want your kiss…” Rihanna tells her man to make her feel like she’s “the only girl in the world.”*

That’s all swell and grand, but I just feel a tad awkward getting down to songs like that. I feel like I have to be a closet listener. I mean, I love the song "Big Girls Don't Cry" by Fergie, but a big boy can't listen to a song about how big girls don't cry! You might as well go try on you're mother's dresses while you're at it!**, ***

It’s kind of like when you’re walking through a department store and you have to walk through the women’s clothes. You just keep your gaze locked firmly in front of you, not glancing to the left or to the right. You can’t look like you actually care about women’s clothes—especially when you’re in the lingerie department…

You act uninterested, cause you don’t want to risk someone seeing you—a man—interested in how well that blouse is paired with that skirt…

I actually have a strong appreciation for—and mild interest in—fashion. So for me, I actually enjoy looking at women’s—as well as men’s—clothing. But I have a stronger interest in not being effeminate, so I act uninterested. Just like I sometimes do with music by female artists.

It’s a tough world I live in.

Maybe I’m just imaging it all, and over thinking it way too much. But maybe not.

Are there any girls out there who are ashamed—and will admit—that power tools, lumber yards, lighter fluid, and Chuck Norris jokes really light their fire?

Let me know.

* The following songs were referenced:
"Telephone" by Lady Gaga
"Pumpkin Soup" by Kate Nash
"Only Girl (In The World)" by Rihanna
"Big Girls Don't Cry" by Fergie

**I actually just bought this song on iTunes

***I do not try on my mother's dresses

You Also Might Be Interested In...

2011-04-22T13:34:00.000-07:00

I finished reading an article on USA Today, and as they often do, it listed other articles I might be interested in. I'll show you a screenshot:

I found that rather amusing, actually. Maybe it's just me. Here's what else they thought I was interested in:

Just so you know, I was reading an article on USA Today about why members of the church aren't marrying as quickly now. Here's the link if you want it: http://www.usatoday.com/news/religion/2011-04-22-mormon_dating_21_ST_N.htm#

I didn't think it was that good of an article, by the way.

2011-04-22T13:08:00.001-07:00

As part of my seemingly eternal job hunt, I’ve been ramping up my profile on LinkedIn. I don’t know if it will lead to anything, but I figure it can’t hurt. After all, employers may go there for a looksy when reviewing my resume, and it looks good to at least have a full profile.

I realized that it’s pretty fun to go look at other people’s profiles on LinkedIn. You get to see the professional side of them; it’s cool. But there’s a caveat…

LinkedIn will actually track who views your profile. So…if you stalk somebody, they’ll probably be able to see that you have done so.

That’s a little awkward, to say the least.

So my LinkedIn stalking had a very short-lived life—kind of sad.

Oh well, and be ye warned if you’ve been thinking you wanted to snoop around LinkedIn and see what your 10th grade crush is doing with their career.

There’s a Reason I Keep Things Secret

2011-04-21T21:18:00.001-07:00

First of all, I know it’s been a long time. I haven’t been that good at blogging lately…well…at all, really. One of my favorites requested I come back to the blogging universe and I’m now trying to do so.

First off, I was texting today and found something rather ironic. I was trying to type the word “hell,” as in the Eagles Hell Freezes Over album (a great album, by the way). However, using my iPhone, the autocorrect changed it from “hell” to “he’ll.” I felt flattered that apple assumes I don’t use words such as hell—no matter the context—and graciously changes it to something not considered profane. Thank you, Apple. But hell it had to be.

Now, on to the next topic. A while back NASA called for a press conference saying that they had some really incredible news about extraterrestrial life. Everyone was really excited about this thinking that they had discovered alien life.

Well, NASA announced that they discovered that there are certain bacteria that can live on Arsenic—or something like that. I’m not a scientist, but apparently that’s never been thought possible before. This suggests that there could be life elsewhere in the universe that live off of different things, but they haven’t actually discovered any.

Everyone was really disappointed with this discovery. But it does goes to prove a point. Sometimes, it’s best to keep things secret.

I always like to maintain high confidentiality with important matters of my life—dating and job hunting are two big ones. Why you ask? Because I don’t want one little piece of news leading people on to thinking that something awesome is happening.

If I say I’m interested in a girl, people think I’m in love. If I say I’ve been on a few dates with someone, they think I’m pretty much married. People have a tendency to blow things out of proportion when they hear just a slight bit of information.

So, I choose to remain quiet about many things so people won’t get the wrong idea—it’s a way I make sure people don’t misinterpret what’s going on. Nothing bugs me more than some relative asking you how your job is going—only for you to tell them you were never even offered that job. And I hate when they ask about that girl I mentioned, only for me to lie about the fact that I’ve never even talked to her.

Sometimes, I think secrecy is a good policy.

Now This Looks Like a Job For Me...

2011-03-14T19:34:00.000-07:00

While perusing Craigslist for job openings, I found this gem (please click on it to see the large view):

Now I think that's a job I can handle!

It's a good thing I have a Master's degree.

Top Five Predators

2011-03-13T21:21:00.000-07:00

I watched a show on the History Channel just now about the five deadliest predators in the ocean. It was fun to watch. The top five were:

5. The Killer Whale – two or three confirmed kills of humans
4. The Humbolt Squid – three or four kills
3. The Great White Shark – 10 to 20 or so (okay, I can’t really remember how many)
2. The Salt Water Crocodile – 50 or so confirmed kills
1. The Box Jelly Fish – 100 confirmed kills

Pretty cool stuff right? But I wonder, do the fish create their own History Channel episode of their deadliest predators? If they do, I’ll bet it’d go something like this:

5. The Humbolt Squid – 11,000 kills
4. The Great White Shark – 13,000 kills
3. The Salt Water Crocodile – 21,000 kills
2. The Box Jelly Fish – 28,000 kills
1. Humans – 7 trillion kills

Us humans are by far their most deadly predator! We kill them in the tens of thousands daily! Yet we get fascinated watching a show about deadly fish that have been responsible for a couple hundred human deaths! Those fish are plotting their revenge—I’m sure of it.

I’ll bet the animal kingdom thinks we’re the biggest bunch of whiners on the planet.

She’s Not Dumb…She’s Just Not Interested…

2011-03-07T21:28:00.001-08:00

Sometimes in dating you deal with people who just aren’t good at it. They just don’t know the moves, techniques, strategies, and best practices. I may even be one of those people. But I was thinking recently about a few situations I’d been in.

In each case, the girl hadn’t really been showing any sure sign of interest. She was dancing around it, but nothing certain. I thought, maybe she’s interested, but just doesn’t know how to show it.

I now have come up with a rule, if she’s not showing interest, it probably has less to do with her skills, and more to do with her interest in you. If she’s interested, she’ll show it, naturally. She’ll ask about you; she’ll observe you; she’ll want to be around you. If she isn’t interested, she won’t really do those things very much.

I had intended this to somehow be amusing; needless to say that didn’t really happen. My apologies; I’ve been a little of my mark today. But I should state for the record that the genesis of this thought involved nothing more than a figurative brush against some stinging nettle—nothing too painful, and no need to check into the Heartbreak Hotel.

You Just About Didn’t Get This

2011-03-06T21:58:00.000-08:00

I think I should have gone to bed right at this point, but instead, I chose to write a blog post. I like blogs, and despite my recent, err…issues I’ve had of offending poeple, I’ve enjoyed blogging. I want to do it more because I think it’s a fun hobby and something I can get into.

It’s good to have things you like; it’s good to have passions. I think I should go to sleep instead of writing, but then I say, passions can give your more energy than sleep can (well, some of the time). I guess what I’m trying to say is that it’s good to have passions; it’s good to have things that keep you going and that make life worth living. Sometimes they come find you; sometimes you have to go seek them. Right now for me it’s the latter, so I thought I’d blog and in turn share with you a few random thoughts from this weekend.

First, I wish every mission president would unequivocally teach their returning missionaries that speaking the language you learned in the mission, to a bunch of people who don’t know that language after your mission, is extremely lame. That wasn’t a concise sentence, so in other words, RMs, don’t use your mission language with English-speaking people. It just isn’t cool.

Next:

I think of all the knowledge one should have about dating, some knowledge of how to reject people should be included in that. I think it’s important in dating. You gotta know how to let someone know. And you gotta make sure you aren’t sending out signals to a guy when you plan an PDA’ing with another guy in Sacrament Meeting. i.e., You need to learn how show people you’re not interested.

Weird/Totally Awesome Thing of the Weekend:

Sitting in a car with Paul G., outside a girl’s apartment, and forcing her (practically) to listen to an opera song in its entirety. This may sound odd, if it does, then you obviously haven’t heard “Nessun Dorma” by Puccini. You have to listen to the whole thing; I don’t see how you couldn’t. It’s amazing. Here it is:

You may not like it, but to me that's unfathomable. I think that song is amazing, just amazing. The funniest part of the whole thing, the two guys knew—and loved—this song and opera; the girls knew nothing of opera. Here’s to culture. Paul and I rock!

Amazon Purchase(s) of the Night:

When good albums go on sale for $5.00, it’s hard to say no. So I bought:

“The Fame” by Lady Gaga
“No Fuss” by The Killers
“Jimmy Eat World” by Jimmy Eat World
“The Fame Monster” by Lady Gaga

There were some gambles in there; I hope they pay off.

Concerning Lady Gaga:

I like her music—a lot, but I have one thing to say. For all the creativity she has—and I would say she has a lot—she names one album “The Fame,” and all she can come up with for her next one is “The Fame Monster?” That’s a little dull, if you ask me. But then maybe it’s one of those real artistic things where the most boring is actually the most creative… Yeah, I don’t buy it either, but I did buy the albums.

Spiritual Note of the Weekend:

Things do work out, not always the way you wanted them to, or when, but they do work out. Nothing happened this weekend with the exception of a quiet, calming reassurance that things do work out. Knowing that doesn’t provide elation, but it does provide comfort, and sometimes that has to be good enough.

Ending Note:

As they say at USC: Fight On.

A Valentine's Day Sneak Preview

2011-02-09T19:39:00.000-08:00

Hi folks!

Well, we all know Valentine's Day is coming up. As usual, I'll be celebrating it as a single person, but that's not a post for tonight. I thought I'd give you a sneak preview of something I plan on doing on Valentine's Day.

I'm sure Facebook will be barraged with many "I'm married to the most wonderful person in the whole wide world..." posts. Yeah, I'm not looking forward to it at all. So, I've decided to add a little spice of my own to facebook. On V-Day, I plan on posting the following:

"Put this as your status if you have been disgusted by people proclaiming their love for their significant other on Facebook. These people don’t realize how obnoxious they are, and they fail to understand that no one but their significant other actually cares. 93% of you won’t post this. Will YOU make this your status and help people direct their affection to the one who actually cares, rather than annoying the rest of us?"

I'll change the wording around to make it better, but I thought I'd give you all a sneak preview. Let me know what you think--especially if you think it's going to bomb big time.

Same Shirt and Cats

2011-01-31T21:15:00.000-08:00

I got to work today and when I saw my boss I realized that his shirt looked extremely similar to mine. Same color, same pattern—just a few small variations. We matched, and I felt a little odd.

I almost felt like some huge kiss-up, you know, the one that emulates everything his/her boss does. I’m not a kiss-up; at least, I don’t mean to be.

It really wasn’t a big deal at all, more just a funny occurrence. At least our pants and shoes were different colors.

On to other, more enjoyable news, during my lunch break I saw a magazine called “Cat Fancy.” This is a magazine devoted entirely to cats and cat lovers. You can peruse some of the magazines online at this site.

I can’t believe this magazine actually exists; I can’t believe there are people that buy it! I actually like cats, but a whole magazine dedicated to them? That’s too much.

But of course, I had to look at it. My favorite article? The one that talked about a camera you can place around your cat’s neck so that you can see your cat’s life from its point of view.

I’m not joking; this is a real thing. You can go to work for eight hours, then come home and spend the next eight hours watching everything your cat did while you were gone—from his viewpoint!

Literally, I’m speechless, so I shall now end this post.

40 Hours

2011-01-30T19:33:00.000-08:00

Yep. That’s how many hours I worked this week. Yep, you read that correctly, I worked.

I started a new job. It’s only a temporary job. Yes, I’m a temp. But it is a long-term, six month temp job—not some NCMO of the employment world. I’m more like that long-term boyfriend a girl has while waiting for her real boyfriend who is on a mission.

That made sense to me. I don’t know if it did to anyone else.

But anyway, I’m back to working again. I have to admit, it’s been a big lifestyle change. The change is good, but nonetheless a change.

I wish this job were more permanent, just so I would know where I’m going to be six months from now, but oh well. You can’t ask for too much in a down economy when you’re freshly graduated from college.

And now for something completely different…

While singing the intermediate hymn in church today I thought it would be really funny if someone chose to whistle the hymn—instead of singing it. I’m sure you could spin it so people would think you were legit—at BYU it’d be really easy. I think it’d be funny.

Also, I came up with a new scheme.

I really hate being sung to on my birthday. It’s so awkward, and it’s such a dumb song! I mean, where are you supposed to look while people are singing to you? You feel so dumb as you shift your gaze to different people’s feet and above their heads. Plus, I like attention, but I like to earn it. I don’t want some dumb song being the reason people pay attention to me!

And most of all, the song has such a dumb melody. I mean, it’s just stupid! It’s not good music, and it’s never sung decently. Plus, there is always some idiot who always sings like a moron and then adds in some stupid thing to part of the song.

Yeah, I pretty much hate the whole singing to someone on their birthday. And actually, I don’t know anyone who really likes it. So why do we do it?

I don’t think I’ll ever know the answer to that question, but I do have a plan to stop all this singing.

Singing happy birthday needs to become politically incorrect.

How can this be done? The way we accomplish every ridiculous thing in America: we sue someone!

Think of it, we just need someone to sue a big company or organization because they sang the happy birthday song to them. They just have to convince the jury that the birthday song goes against their cultural beliefs or something and that they’re hugely offended by it—by the way, the person suing will have to be part of an ethnic minority.

If they win that lawsuit, it would set a precedent in all the United States—singing happy birthday would become politically incorrect, and the song may go away entirely.

Yeah, it’s a long shot, but hey, if someone can sue for coffee being too hot without a warning label, maybe this could work…

…but probably not before my next birthday.

Techno

2011-01-27T20:45:00.001-08:00

I’m a closet techno listener; it’s a guilty pleasure of mine. I’m not sure whether it’s socially acceptable to like techno, but I’m assuming it isn’t.

Techno songs all start out the exact some way—with the drum beat. It’s usually heavy bass-drum hits on the on-beats and hi-hat hits on the off-beats—going pretty fast. It sounds like this: uuhhh-st-uuhh-st-uuhhh-st-uuhh-st . This is all electronic, of course. This groove comprises the first thirty seconds, and every song sounds pretty identical.

Well, today my iPod shuffled to a techno song, and after about two seconds of the song I knew which one it was. I had listened to it enough that I could discern the very fine nuances of the drum beat, and I know exactly what song it was.

Why is this significant? Because it shows how much I indulge in my guilty pleasure of techno. It only took me two seconds of uuhhh-st-uuhh-st-uuhhh-st-uuhh-st to tell one techno song apart from the others.

I felt a tad ashamed as I drove in the car by myself, knowing that I could actually discern one techno song from others in just two seconds. But I suppose there are worse guilty pleasures to indulge in.

Quit Calling Me Kid

2011-01-23T19:48:00.000-08:00

At church today there was an adult leader who kept referring to people my age as “kids.” This guy is 50-plus years old.

Sometimes older adults refer to my age range as kids. They call us “kid.” Now being called kid doesn’t bother me, it just makes it really hard for me to know what they're talking about. This guy referred to a high-school age female as “little girl.” He called a college student a “kid.”

Now, when I hear the word kid, I think of someone age 3-11, give or take. Not 22! A message to you adults: I know to you were are still kids--I'm okay with that. But you can’t call a teenager, young adult, or adult “kid” anymore. It’s a poor use of vocabulary and confusing.

Plus, we really are adults now. We can legally do everything someone forty years older than us can do—except receive social security. We are considered adults now. We may not feel like it, and we may not want to act like it—but hey, we are.

I don't find it insulting to be referred to as a kid, just confusing, that's all.

My Online Footprint

2011-01-21T10:27:00.000-08:00

As you’ve probably been able to tell, I’ve recently had some issues where my online doings have not sat so well with some people. Today I read an e-mail from SteepandCheep.com. These e-mails always have a funny story or thought, and I particularly liked today's:

“My online footprint is extraordinary. Thousands of blog posts, offensive Tweets and just generally really rude stuff that makes it hard to conceal any political leanings or fake opinions. What does this mean for me? I will basically never get a job at Dow Chemical. Any huge company I apply at will have a small army of human resources staff who will comb the internet and find all the times I made fun of Texas, and they'll use that as a reason not to hire me. There's some comfort to be found in sabotaging your own chances of ever working at a place that doesn't hire people with opinions and personality.”

I completely agree with the last sentence. Being shunned initially causes grief, but in the long run it helps you find the people and organizations who will like you for who you are, and accept you with all of your quirks and nuances.

Privatizing

2011-01-20T13:03:00.000-08:00

I am in a situation now where I cannot please everybody who reads this blog. I have two options:

1. I can limit what I publish to only that which would not be found offensive by anyone.

2. I can limit who has access to this blog.

As for the first option, I think it is impossible to do anything that cannot be found offensive by at least one person. So, I shall not attempt to do so.

I shall now limit access to my blog.

If you want to keep reading my blog, please leave a comment with your e-mail address* and I will send you an invitation. Alternatively, you may send me a message on Facebook with your e-mail address.

There are a few reasons as to why I am doing this, but a big reason is the fact that employers often search the internet for anything pertaining to potential candidates. While I really do not feel there is anything on here that is truly offensive and/or inappropriate, I do not want this blog subject to their interpretation or misinterpretation and thus negatively affecting my candidacy.

I apologize for any inconvenience, and I’m sad because I think I will lose readers now. But, it seems to be the best option.

I do plan on being better at updating this blog so you will actually have something worthwhile to come read.

Thank you.

*Once I have recorded your e-mail address, I will delete your comment with your e-mail address as a privacy measure.

A Completely Useless Reason Why It’s Better To Be A Man

2011-01-19T19:45:00.000-08:00

We men can combine words like “man,” “bro,” and “male” with other words and phrases to make them freaking awesome and macho. Can you girls do that? I don’t think so. I mean, how cool is this:

Person: “What did you have for breakfast?”
Studly Man (Me): “Bacon, eggs, and mancakes!”
Person: “Ooohh…”

It’s called Mancabulary. Yeah, women don’t got it. But men, we have all sorts of em’. Like these gems:

“Let’s watch a bromantic comedy.”

“Manboarding was awesome tonight!”

“I got no manbition!”

“We’re all single, so on Feb. 14 we’ll be celebrating Malentine’s Day.”

“It’s time for a brocasion!”

“Yo man, I gotta watch the game, it’s my manbligation!”

“That guy’s use of bromenclature makes him a sick bromosapien!”

“Tonight will be a gathering of the Broman Empire.”

“I gotta where mandex when I play sports! Its a mancessity!”

“That was some quality mentertainment.”

“Yeah, my ex showed up, it was complete mandemonium.”

“Yo man, how’d your date go?” “Awful man, total bromageddon.”

Sure, this may be a little mencessive, but ladies, you gotten nothing like this. You may win other battles and wars over men, but not this one…

Let me know if you got anything this mantastic…

Being Sick at Home

2011-01-18T17:11:00.000-08:00

So for the time being, I’m living at home with the parents while job hunting. Yeah, I know…not my proudest moment. Anyway…

I’ve been sick these last few days. I’ve been sick enough that if I did have a job, I would have called in sick. Since I don’t have a job, this is no problem. I’ve just taken it easy and enjoyed more than my normal share of TV and movies.

But the problem with being sick while living with my parents is that I still feel like I have to convince them that I am sick. You know—like when you were a kid and wanted to miss school.

There was this level of sickness you had to attain so they would let you stay home. You had to be careful to make sure that you didn’t appear to be healthier than that level, or else its back to school for you! And who wants that?

I kind of feel like that now. I have to convince them I’m sick so I don’t get dirty looks for taking it easy.

Actually, I doubt they even care. It’s just another one of those awkward things of being an adult living with your parents.

Concerning My Last Post - Serious

2011-01-08T12:10:00.001-08:00

I was informed through a third party that some were offended by my last post where I disclosed that I discarded some artwork my niece gave me. Since those offended have not discussed this matter with me personally, I do not know specifically what offended them, and thus, cannot address the issue fully. However, I would like to make some things known.

Nothing in that post was intended to be malicious. I employ a sarcastic sense of humor and that post was written sarcastically.

The post was written solely for the intent of being humorous. I was not trying to disparage my niece, my other nieces and nephews, their parents, or little children in general. I was simply mocking human behavior and the social etiquette regarding the treatment of received gifts—in particular, less-desirable gifts.

Concerning the artwork my niece gave me, I am not one for keepsakes like that. I really would have done one of two things with it: 1) Throw it away (as I did) or 2) Put it in my filing cabinet, where I would never look at it again until some future day when I am cleaning out my filing cabinet, when I would then throw it away. Either way, I would be ignoring the drawing completely. Throwing it away was simply more efficient.

My niece did not draw the picture specifically for me. I walked into the room as she finished it; she then handed it to me and walked away without saying a word. I think she simply did not want it herself and was looking for someone to take it off of her hands. I was the closest person, so she gave it to me. There was little—if any—sentiment involved.

I decided later that evening to throw it away; I did not throw it away right when she gave it to me, nor did I throw it away in front of her. I recognized that strict etiquette might prohibit throwing away the drawing, and I found humor in the situation and I decided to share that humor with others via this blog.

I make an effort to be reasonably sensitive to others’ feelings, and I try not to publish materials on my blog that will offend others. However, in this day and age of hypersensitivity, there are always persons who will take offense to even the most docile of works. I cannot and will not cater to those people.

When I wrote the post about my niece’s artwork, I did not find it offensive. Upon rereading the post numerous times, I still do not find it offensive. I will admit the language was a little strong and it was a little insensitive; I have since toned it down.

I am very much an open, honest, and sincere person with a say-it-like-it-is mentality. I have a great appreciation for sincerity, and an equally strong disdain for insincerity. I would rather hear the truth in its harshness than listen to lies in their pleasantness. Much of the writing on my blog will reflect the open, sincere aspect of my personality.

I enjoy using sarcasm; this blog will reflect that. I am fully aware that some do not appreciate this sarcasm. Please note that if you read this blog, you will encounter sarcasm. Please keep that in mind if you continue to read this blog.

I did not intend to be malicious; I had no plans to insult with that post. If you were offended, trust that my intentions were not malevolent.

I will continue this blog as I have done in the past. I will not mute my personality in an effort to cater to those who fail to understand and/or appreciate my frank nature and the sarcasm I sometimes use.

To be blunt, if you do not appreciate what I put on this blog, do not read it.

On a final note, I would like to state that I have no disdain for my nieces and nephews. I do and appreciate them, and really, I am rather fond of them. However, I prefer to convey that sentiment in the way I wish to receive it: I spend time with them. No, I am not uncle-of-the-year material, but I make an effort. I do my best, and that is pretty good for guy who has spent very little time around young children, and has never been overly comfortable with them.

So What Do I Do With This?

2010-12-24T21:55:00.000-08:00

Sitting on my desk right now is a drawing of…well…I don’t know what it’s a drawing of. My niece gave it to me today. She’s only three or four, and the art…well…you could call it cute, but the aesthetics are…lacking.

So…

What the heck am I supposed to do with it?

I’ll tell you what I’m gonna do with it…I’m throwing it away! Is that so insensitive? I don’t think so! I know there are people who would say I’m a jerk for doing so, but come on! What else do you do with stuff like this? Just because a little kid drew it doesn’t mean you have to keep it forever!

It’s like greeting cards, or some pointless thing a girl gives you just to flirt with you! They’re meaningless!

That happened, by the way. This girl was going to throw away some box she made out of paper, but then she gave it to me—flirtingly saying she expected me to keep it.

So I did.

What if we ended up dating? You know that sometime she’s going to ask you if you still have it, and if you don’t, she’d be furious. She’d say:

“Ryan, I know it wasn’t the greatest gift, but when I gave you that, I gave it with all my love. It was all I could give you; it meant so much to me! I cannot begin to describe how dejected I feel knowing that you just threw it away. You threw my heart away with it!”

Of course, she’s making that all up. She couldn’t even remember she gave you anything; she just wants to make you feel like a jerk.

Anyway, I kept this stupid thing for several months. I had to explain it to every person that came in my room—it was embarrassing! She later got engaged, and I trashed that thing the minute I found out—and oh…I enjoyed every moment of it…

Now I won’t be savoring the trashing of my niece’s artwork, but I’m still going to trash it. I know some of you are thinking, “Ryan, you’re a jerk!”

I beg to differ.

There was no sentiment involved with this gift, really. If there’s no sentiment, then I see no need to save it. Besides, she’ll never know…

Long Blog Posts

2010-12-19T23:12:00.001-08:00

Most of my blog posts are long, or, at least, longer than they should be. I apologize. But I have an explanation--it's a quote by Mark Twain:

"I didn't have time to write a short letter, so I wrote a long one instead."

Explore

2010-12-12T22:22:00.001-08:00

Here is a quote I recently found from Mark Twain:

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”

Stop Sign

2010-11-26T23:14:00.001-08:00

A few months ago, when I was still living in Los Angeles, I saw this stop sign:

Gratitude

2010-11-23T20:22:00.000-08:00

So I have to admit something: I need to be more grateful. No, really, I do. But this isn’t intended to be a serious post, so on to the light-hearted stuff.

I read an article on gratitude in the Wall Street Journal today.

You can find the article here.

It was really good, but there were a couple things in it that made me laugh. I shall now share them.

First excerpt:

“Fill your head with positive thoughts, express thanks and encouragement aloud and look for something to be grateful for, not criticize, in those around you, especially loved ones. New York psychiatrist Drew Ramsey says that's an essential tool for surviving the holidays. ‘Giving thanks for them helps you deal with the craziness that is part of every family,’ he says.

I find that humorous.

Second excerpt:

“If you find you take too much for granted, try the ‘It's a Wonderful Life’ approach: image what life would be like without a major blessing, like a spouse, a child or a job.”

That one made me laugh, considering that I have no spouse, child, or job.

Sigh…

Nonetheless, it is a really great article, and I would recommend reading it.

I Suggest a New Strategy R2…

2010-11-19T22:53:00.000-08:00

Let the Wookie win.

Star Wars can be most inspirational at times. I should have followed this strategy.

What “Let the Wookie win” means is that sometimes you are right about something, but the battle is simply not worth fighting. It’s akin to a Pyrrhic victory. It’s from a scene in Star Wars, Episode IV: A New Hope. On to the example from my life:

I was a little upset that BYU taunted Utah State on the Marriott Center jumbotron following a basketball game, and drawing from the long-held frustration of being unemployed, I vented my BYU-related anger on Facebook.

I think it is fair to be frustrated with the incident—I can explain if you want—but I should have just let the Wookie win. I shouldn’t have vented. I knew it would draw some flack, but being grumpy today, I decided to do it anyway. And I drew some flack.

The one that stung a little bit was being called self-righteous—by my cousin nonetheless. I then remember the two status updates I made rubbing in Utah’s loss to TCU a few weeks ago. All of maybe 12 Utah fans saw it, and really, it was the most I’d taunted in a long time, but yes, it was taunting, and I suppose that you could pull some self-righteousness out of that. A bit of a stretch, yes—but true.

I should have just let the Wookie win today. I would have been better off. I gained nothing from the fight.

Click Here

Remember, sometimes, it’s better to let the Wookie win. Thank you, C-3PO, for that timeless advice.

The Wrong Mannequins

2010-11-18T17:36:00.000-08:00

The Wrong Mannequins

First of all, I’m amazed I spelled “mannequins” correctly on my first try! No really, I was.

Anyway.

The other night I was walking around in downtown Washington D.C. and I saw a men’s clothing store. Upon a closer look at the name of the store I saw that it was a big and tall store. I didn’t really think much of it until I saw the mannequins in the window displays of the store. And that is where I saw something intriguing…

The mannequins were the normal type of mannequins you see at a regular men’s store. They weren’t big, and they weren’t tall. So….what good is the mannequin?

As a person who is…err…nutritionally well-endowed (I hope you catch my drift…), I can tell you that clothes don’t look the same on us bigger people as they do on the slender folk. So…wouldn’t it make sense for a big and tall store to have big and tall mannequins?

I mean, I think it would be nice to see what the clothes are actually going to look like on a person who is big and/or tall. I don’t care what clothes are going to look like on Tommy-Toothpick who ways a buck forty dripping wet! I would want to see what the clothes would look like on Manny-Marshmallow who weighs 345 when HE’S dripping wet!

I just think it would be more helpful to the customers, that’s all.

You're Single. So What?

2010-11-15T13:19:00.000-08:00

Life goes on you know!! And it’s actually pretty good!!

This is a rant, by the way, and it’s long. Read on at your own risk. Also, this post is directed at members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints—it may not make much sense to those who aren’t members—just a warning.

So, here it goes, probably my most controversial blog post yet; I’m sure I'll anger people with this one. Now, the continuation of the rant:

I’ve been getting frustrated lately by the attitude of singles in the church. It seems they think that life is only worth living if they are married. They seem to view singleness as a curse that they will do anything to lift.

I don’t think it should be this way. Being single isn’t awful. It isn’t a curse. Life can still be very worthwhile despite the fact that you’re not married.

Now I’m not saying that LDS singles should forget about marriage and not seek after it. It should be a top priority. All that can be done should be done as far as getting married is concerned. However, one must remember that there is only so much one can do.

Elder Dallin H. Oaks gave this thought in January 2002:

“The timing of marriage is perhaps the best example of an extremely important event in our lives that is almost impossible to plan. Like other important mortal events that depend on the agency of others or the will and timing of the Lord, marriage cannot be anticipated or planned with certainty. We can and should work for and pray for our righteous desires, but despite this, many will remain single well beyond their desired time for marriage.”

All of us long for the companionship and joy that marriage brings. I don’t think there is anything that can be substituted for marriage that will bring the same level of happiness. However, this doesn’t mean that single life cannot be full of happiness.

Elder Oaks clearly states that getting married depends on the agency of another person, and also the will and timing of the Lord—this we cannot control. We can control what we do with our lives. There are plenty of ways we can be happy and lead rich and fulfilling lives. I’ll give a few ideas.

Have some fun! Think of all the fun things that are much more accessible as a single person, and do them! Here’s a few ideas:

Traveling around the nation and world.
Visiting friends and family.
Trying out new restaurants.
Going to concerts.
Spending more time with your hobbies.

But I don’t think we should just focus on having fun. There are many worthwhile pursuits we can engage in now that we may not have time for a few years into our marriages. For example:

Improve your education. Get an advanced degree.

Learn new skills—go to a community college or technical school. They have all sorts of classes where you can learn new skills.

Look for opportunities to serve. You could get involved in politics. Volunteer some time with a charity, or a non-profit organization. Find ways to help out in the community or in your family.

Spend time serving in the church. You can work on your calling. Spend more time in the temple.

Look for ways to help other singles. Be social. Host some get-togethers, some parties. Get groups together to go do stuff—there are always people looking to spend more time with friends. This also helps people to meet other people—and, you know, date! In fact, I think one of the greatest acts of service you can offer now is simply to give other singles places to go on the weekend—in other words, help them to build their social life. You’ll make new friends and so will they; it’s very fulfilling.

There are a lot of things you can do to make being single worthwhile—this is list is by no means exhaustive. My point is that there are a lot of fun, good, and worthwhile things you can do while being single—and you’ll likely have more time to do them.

But I think there’s an even more important issue at hand. If you can’t find ways to be happy and satisfied with your life while you’re single, what makes you think you’ll be happy and satisfied when you’re married? Yes, your circumstances will be significantly different, but still, you’re going to have to seek out happiness throughout your life.

There will be times when happiness will be handed to you on a silver platter. But happiness will not always be convenient; you may have to work for it. I think you’re going to have to seek it out most of your life. So, if you can’t find ways to be happy and satisfied as a single person, I would say that you will struggle with that after you are married.

Part of seeking happiness means that we have to adapt, and change. I’ve said before that nothing can be substituted for marriage, and I believe that. There will always be a void in your life that only marriage can fill. But we have to adapt, we have to find ways to be happy despite that.

In life, we will always desire good things that will help us to be happy, but oftentimes we may have little or no control over obtaining them. We will always have to be able to adapt and live without those things. It will happen all our lives.

If we cannot find happiness being single, then we won’t find it being married either.

So I guess I’m telling all the singles to quit brooding and whining. You’re single, so what? Adapt to it. Go out and enjoy life. Be happy. There’s no reason you shouldn’t be. Marriage doesn’t solve sadness. Seek out your happiness. It won’t always be easy to find, and sometimes its quantity may not be to your liking, but it is out there.

Forgive my rant. Forgive my boldness. I hope none of you have been offended. But I think this issue is something us singles need to work on—I am no exception. Happiness isn’t exclusive to married people; we can have plenty of it as well.

Marriage is most important, and I think it will be a better life. But it will by no means be a free buffet of happiness—you’ll still have to seek it out.

Don’t just endure being single, enjoy it.

The Annual Church-Wide Pumpkin Carving FHE

2010-10-25T22:20:00.000-07:00

Does the church handbook state that every singles ward must have a pumpkin-carving FHE, every year? It seems like it!

My ward carved pumpkins tonight. My old ward in Los Angeles carved pumpkins tonight, another singles ward in Los Angeles carved pumpkins tonight—I’m guessing there are a whole bunch more that did too. And I’ll bet they did it last year too, and the year before, and the year before that! I’m pretty sure I’ve been at a pumpkin-carving FHE every year I’ve been in a YSA wards.

Sure, there’s some fun in carving pumpkins, but every year? Let’s change it up a little bit! There are about six people per ward that actually enjoy it, and they are the only three that actually want to take the pumpkins home! They just end up in the dumpster behind the church!

But, alas, I know this is a battle I cannot win. The pumpkin carving will go on—every year, without missing a beat. I guess I’ll just have to get married to get around it…

Oh How Things Change...

2010-10-23T16:58:00.000-07:00

Please note: this post is meant to be a humorous observation, not a depressed musing.

The other day I took my suit to be dry-cleaned. It was a 20-minute drive to get there, and I got there three minutes after the shop had closed. Normally, I would have been frustrated with this.

But not now!!

After seeing they were closed, my thoughts were: “Oh cool! Now I have a reason to get out of the house tomorrow!”

It’s sad what unemployment and living at home does to you.

Real sad.

Guilty by Association

2010-10-19T16:46:00.000-07:00

So the other night I was at a church fireside. I ended up sitting next to this girl who was quite attractive. I found the courage within me to strike up a conversation with her. She was really nice; we had good conversation and banter. It was good!

But there was one problem…

The guy sitting next to me had BO, and it was very noticeable. This presented a problem.

A quick aside: Afterwards, as soon as I got into my car, I immediately checked to make sure it wasn’t me. It wasn’t.

But what if she thought it was me that had the BO? I would be sunk with this girl!

I hope she realizes it wasn’t me. It was a bad situation. It’s not like I can say to the girl, “Hey, I’m not the one that stinks. It’s him!!” Then I’d just look like a jerk.

I was under attack by a fetid foe.
How to fight back, I did not know!
A denial, the damsel, would only condemn,
Oh this bad luck, from whence does it stem?

What could I say, what could I do?
The sword of silence was running me through!
But yet I was bound, by etiquette’s noose,
A way to escape, I could not induce!

Perhaps she did know the smell was not me,
Perhaps from this judgment, I could now be free!
Only time will tell if I’m accused of that smell.
But now I must wait, and hope all is well.

Will I be accused! Does she know it wasn’t me?

I guess I’ll find out next time. Until then, we can all hope…

And please, please, use deodorant. If not for your sake, then for the sake of the person next to you who’s trying to pick up on a cute girl.

Inflation and the Tooth Fairy

2010-10-04T16:11:00.000-07:00

So why is it that the Tooth Fairy hasn’t adjusted for inflation? Things cost a lot more than they did fifty years ago, or twenty years ago, and so on. The tooth fairy needs to learn a thing or two about spending power.

I think the typical amount the tooth fairy to gives is $1.00. At least it was when I was growing up. But that was 20 years ago. I’m guessing the tooth fair was giving the same amount in 1950, maybe 1925. What does the mean to me?

I got ripped off!

According to Wikipedia, the tooth fairy has been around since about 1900. I’m going to assume the tooth fairy gave a quarter back then, and that the tooth fairy did do some adjusting for inflation here and there—but not enough.

So, here are some figures:

In 1900 the tooth fairy gives $.25 per tooth.

The inflation rate (in the United States), averages to 3% per year.

So, in 1990, the tooth fairy should be giving $3.58 per tooth. That’s what I should have received.

Kids today should be getting $6.56 per tooth.

Now of course, these figures don’t take into account the fact that parents most likely would have rounded the amount to the nearest dollar (or perhaps fifty cents). That would change things a little bit.

Back to the point.

I was shortchanged $2.58 per tooth!! Kids today are shortchanged $5.46 per tooth!!

A rough Google search shows that we lose 20 baby teeth. So, in total, I lost $51.50 as a kid by the tooth fairy not adjusting for inflation. For kids now, the tooth fairy is underpaying by $109.14.

That’s money that could be stimulating the economy.

Write your congressman today; the tooth fairy owes us.

When You Can’t Fall Asleep In a Hotel…

2010-10-03T17:59:00.000-07:00

…Head to the lobby—even if it’s 3:00 A.M.

That’s what I did. I was staying in the Marriot in downtown Philadelphia a few days ago, and I couldn’t sleep. I decided to take a walk around the hotel to see if that would clear my mind. I didn’t feel like getting too dressed or anything; I went out in basketball shorts, a t-shirt, and my slippers—this was a pretty fancy hotel, mind you. It was a lot of fun actually, much more than I thought it would be. I’ll relate it to you:

Going up an escalator in slippers is actually a little scary for some reason. I guess I was just worried they would get caught in escalator or something.

There are a lot of employees working in the hotel late at night. The cleaning staff, and surprisingly, the staff that sets up the ballrooms and salons for conventions, etc. I saw them setting up for the World Bridge Tournament.

Hotel employees—including security personnel—couldn’t care less about someone walking around in slippers. I thought they might at least ask me what I was doing—didn’t happen.

There are a lot of people coming into a hotel late at night. The most surprising part is how many people ages 40+ came in at 3:00 in the morning. What were they doing out so late? I really had no idea they did that at that age.

Some people like to have deep conversations in hotel lobbies in the middle of the night. I tried to listen in—and I pretended to be texting while I was—but I couldn’t hear too much. What I did hear was pretty boring, so I left.

The highlight of the night was the group of four women walking in—and 20 minutes later, back out of the hotel. They were dressed rather flamboyantly, with extravagant hair and short skirts—with plenty of junk in the trunk. I’m still not too convinced that they weren’t prostitutes.

I thought about just standing in the elevator and pushing the floor button for people getting in—like it was my job. If they asked what I was doing, I’d just say I couldn’t sleep and I was bored, so I thought I’d help out. I opted not to do this, but somewhat regret that decision.

So as I write this I realize that it wasn’t really that exciting. But at 3:00 A.M. when you can’t sleep, it proved to be quite entertaining.

The Job Hunt

2010-09-14T21:11:00.001-07:00

So the question everyone asks me nowadays is, “How’s the job hunt?”

I. Hate. This. Question.

I know everyone (or mostly everyone) asks out of good intentions. They’re just being nice, so I try to not let it bug me, but really, I don’t like it.

For one thing, it’s a tough question to answer. I mean, if I’m job hunting, that means I don’t have a job, so it’s going poorly. I don’t want to say that it’s bad, but I can’t say it’s good, because I’m still job hunting.

I always have trouble finding the appropriate answer. Lately, I’ve just been saying, “It’s alright.” I feel that’s the appropriate, non-descript answer that says absolutely nothing.

Another thing, I wish people would read between the lines so they don’t have to ask. I just moved back in with my parents, the job hunt can’t be going all that well can it?

Also, I don’t like giving details. I hate saying I applied at ABC Corp., or I interviewed at XYZ Co. because then people always ask about it. “Did you hear back from ABC Corp.?” “How’d the interview go?” Then I have to say that I didn’t get it; it just rubs salt in an open wound.

Of course, if you can actually help me, then you are welcome to ask. If you’re an accountant, or have good contacts in the field, or can otherwise render actual assistance, you’re welcome to talk to me about it. I just hate making conversation about something that drives me crazy—unemployment and job hunting.

Also, all the jokes about places I “should” get a job at, they can stop too. They’re not funny anymore.

This hasn’t been the nicest post, has it? Sorry.

Anyways, I don’t have a job. When I get one, I’ll let you know, don’t worry. Until then, just ask me about how ridiculous and underserved the sanctions on USC football are; I’d much rather talk about those.

Fight On Trojans!!

P.S. You don’t need to tell me “it will all work out;” I already know.

I still like football…

2010-09-02T21:21:00.000-07:00

But after World Cup soccer, I just can’t enjoy it as much.

What are these things that keep getting shown every seven minutes? You know, those things they only show at halftime during soccer?

Oh yeah, commercials.

I mean, every five minutes, they stop the game!! Then three minutes of commercials. Then finally back to the game.

And what’s this playing for 10 seconds, then stopping, and then standing around for 45 seconds?

It’s so boring!!

I mean, soccer, they keep going! For the full 45 minutes each half! You don’t dare look down in a soccer game; you might miss something!!

And you know what else that means?

NO COMMERCIALS!!!!

Only at halftime do you have to sit through commercials. During the game? Nothing! They’re aren’t any commercials. It’s great!!

I still like football—a lot—and I plan on watching plenty of games. But when I started watching my first game this season, I realized how slow football goes compared to soccer. Soccer is non-stop, without commercials. I missed that. The constant stopping and commercial breaks left me a little miffed.

Oh well.

I’ll still find plenty of enjoyment watching football this season, but…

Soccer will stand supreme.

Coming Back Down - Serious

2010-06-03T21:03:00.000-07:00

Whenever I climb to the top of something steep, after patting myself on the back, I usually say to myself, “Now how do I get back down?” I’m not a mountaineer by any means, but I’ve hiked enough and gone up enough steep stuff to know that coming back down is usually harder than getting up to the top. In fact, on K2—the world’s 2nd highest mountain and widely considered the most difficult to climb—most climbers who die, do so coming down, not going up. Coming back down is the hardest part of a steep climb.

But this isn’t a blog about climbing mountains, so what’s my point?

Well, in life, I think we often prepare ourselves, and others, for the climb up the difficult mountains in our lives, but we prepare little for coming back down. The mountains I speak of are things like a mission, higher education, marriage, having children, getting a job, etc. We often focus on how to get people on a mission, encourage them to go to college, lecture and pressure them to get married, do the same thing for having children, and tell them how to get a job. But how often do we focus on how to be a good missionary, how to succeed in college, how to have a good marriage, how to be good parents, and how to be a good employee?

A few examples: I just finished graduate school. The whole time I was here so much help and instruction was given on how to get a job, how to interview well, etc., but little—if any—advice was given on how to be a good employee, how to excel in an organization, etc.

In all the singles wards I’ve been in, very few lessons have centered on how to be a good spouse and parent; very few have focused on how to have a successful marriage. They’ll pressure us to date and get married. They’ll offer us advice on how to date. They’ll have dating panels and talks about dating—they’ll even have enrichment nights about dating (not that I went). Yet so little is done as to teach us how to be a good boy/girlfriend, and how to be a good spouse. We’re taught how to climb to the top, but nothing is said about how to get back down.

Don’t believe me? It’s important to start a relationship, but how many have a sad ending? It’s important to marry, but how many marriages end in divorce? Getting to the top isn’t enough; you have to safely navigate back down. Yet, so little is done to prepare us for that.

Recently I graduated from the University of Southern California, with my Masters of Accountancy degree. I feel this is a great accomplishment; I’ve finished my formal education; I’ve climbed to the top of challenging mountain. But now, I have to climb back down; I wasn’t ready for it.

I feel like I’m just trying to find the best way down, and I’m having a hard time finding it, and I’m having a harder time getting down it. I’m trying to figure out how to operate in an environment that I never prepared myself for, and, it’s difficult. I’m sure I’ll make it down okay. I may gather a few scrapes and bruises, but I’ll survive. I just wish I were better prepared for these different circumstances so I could make it down with little or no injury.

It’s hard to explain, but right now I feel like I do when I get to the top of something steep—I have to figure out how to get back down, and it’s not going to be easy.

Thrift Store CDs

2010-06-02T23:50:00.000-07:00

Today I stopped by a thrift store in Santa Monica.

On a sidenote, it seems odd to have a thrift store two blocks away from the trendy 3rd Street Promenade, with all of its nice stores.

Anyway.

I was perusing and as always, I looked to see if they had any good CDs. Being an unemployed, recent college grad, I really can't afford new CDs, so I have to take my chances at the thrift store.

I saw a few classical CDs that were of interest. For whatever reason, I decided to open them up to see if the CDs were in good shape.

The cases were empty.

Needless to say, I didn't buy them, and I'd recommend that when you're at a thrift store, you check all CD cases before you buy them.

This blog post was pretty pointless right until that last line, when finally, I discovered my point.

Those thrift store CDs are like many (not all) Southern Californians: the outside looks good, but the inside is empty.

Let the raging comments begin.

A Warning Against Assuming

2010-04-22T21:48:00.000-07:00

I had a job interview today, and made a mistake. As my interviewer walked out to greet me and escort me back to the room, I realized he was speaking with an accent. Australian, it would seem. So, trying to create some camaraderie, in my best Aussie accent I said, “G’day mate! How er things down und-uh?” To which he simply and curtly replied, “I’m English.”

Not a good start.

Okay, okay. This isn’t entirely true. In fact, the only thing about this story that is true is that I had an interview, the interviewer was from England, and I mistakenly thought he was Australian. I didn’t say any of the above; I’m not an idiot. The interviewer was not curt—he was actually really cool which made the interview a lot more enjoyable.

The point is though, don’t assume. And if you assume, don’t act on it until your certain you’re right. I did think he was Australian, but I didn’t say anything. He later mentioned that he was English, and as soon as he did, I was really glad I hadn’t said anything. And the interview was fine.

So, we can learn two things from this:

1. I’m really bad at discerning a person’s nationality by their accent.
2. Unless you’re certain, it’s probably best to not do anything until you are.

Fortunately this lesson wasn’t taught to me the hard way.

“So When Are We Going To Hang Out Again?"

2010-04-18T22:43:00.000-07:00

Correction. He should have said, “So when are we going to hang out?” I’ve never hung out with this person before. So technically, we cannot hang out again.

I don’t ever plan on hanging out with this person. And you know what? I’m pretty sure he’s never planning on hanging out with me. But apparently he wants to do it again...

Rrrrrriiiiight...

What's the moral of the post? You can be sincere with me; I prefer it that way.

Folding Socks; My Life; Dating and Marriage

2010-04-15T14:56:00.000-07:00

I hate folding clothes; it always turns into an ordeal for me. For example:

(By the way, I'm being sarcastic in this post...just in case you didn't know)

So today I was folding laundry, and this laundry included socks. I had most of it folded, but not all of it. I had a certain sock that was sitting all by itself; I was waiting to find a sock of the same phenotype so I could fold the two of them together (Science people, sorry if I incorrectly used the word “Phenotype”).

But, something sad happened. I couldn’t find another sock to fold it with! I was missing a sock!! My sock was alone; it was single!! It had no mate! It had no one to share its adventures with during the day, and no one to cuddle up with during the night! It was alone.

Utterly. Completely. Alone.

Then it hit me!

I share much in common with that sock!

That sock is single, and so am I!! All of that sock’s family and friends had mates, and so do mine!!

There it was, just sitting on my bed, all by itself. Every sock around it was paired with another sock, yet it had no one. I could hear all of the other socks saying to it,

- “When are you going fold yourself up with a nice, cute sock?”
- “Are you dating anyone?”
- “Are there any cute socks down there in California?”
- “You’re not getting any younger! Soon enough, you’re going to have holes and be all grungy, and nobody is going to want you!”
- “You know, any sock that’s 26 and single is a menace to society!”
- “You can’t just slosh around with other socks in the washing machine and think that a ‘good time’ is all you need in life, you need to settle down and get married!”

Poor thing.

The sock was hurting, and so was I. I felt its pain. It was crying; I lifted it up. I wiped away its linty tears, and held it close to my chest, and told it, “I know how you feel,” and together we wept. After moments of crying and lamentation, the tears dried up, the sniffling faded into silence, and laughter soon replaced our weeping sobs. We found comfort in each other.

We then got Triple Chocolate Fudge Ice Cream and watched Titanic together—we laughed, we rejoiced, we cried…and we rejoiced again. We knew all would be well, and that soon enough, true love would grace our lives.

Then, something happened. After our time together, we both faded back into the routine of our evening. I opened the sock drawer to put away the socks. What seemed so routine became so sublime—I found the sock’s mate!

I quickly paired them together, folded them up, and we all shouted out for joy! True love was found! Companionship had began! Singleness, was over.

I then put them away as fast as I could and avoided the newly folded pair. After all, newly wed couples are the worst about pressuring you to get married.

- “Oh it’ll happen when you least expect it! That’s how it was for us! So quit expecting, and start dating!”
- “If you want it, it can happen!!”
- “You can go on a double date with us; it’d be great! Don’t worry, we won’t be awkward at all!”

Or, my favorite:

Married couple (MC): “Are you dating anyone?”
Me: “No.”
MC: “Is there anyone you’re interested in?”
Me: “No, not really.”
MC: “Well just ask someone out; it’ll work out! Do you want to double with us?”

I know right now the married readers are shaking their heads in disgust and the single readers are nodding their heads in accord.

And both are probably thinking, “All this from folding socks?”

Insane, I know.

But one thing’s for darn certain, all this pressure to date and get married is really helpful!

- Ryan T. Scoffield

Negotiations, Capitalism, and Captain Moroni – Rant/Venting, Serious, Long

2010-02-02T23:16:00.000-08:00

I need to vent about something that happened tonight.

I’m in a Negotiation and Deal Making class right now. For the most part, I really like it. But tonight was a different experience.

We do a lot of mock negotiations. I like hands-on learning, and I think this is a good way to learn how to negotiate. But tonight’s experience wasn’t enjoyable for me.

We were doing a team negotiation. The guy on my team was pretty good; the people we were negotiating with—they were jerks. I didn’t think so until after the negotiation. You see, we get to compare results afterwards—in front of the class. In this negotiation, we see how much money we made from the deal, and how much they made. Well, we ended up getting around $300,000; they ended up with about $4.5 million. (The money is not real)

Now, $300,000 is still money, but they ripped us off!! And what really makes me mad is that the whole time they were acting like they were bending over backwards just to get this deal, only to find out that they made about 15 times more money than we did. They betrayed our trust, and that makes me mad.

You see, I want agreements that maximize the value for both parties. I want deals that take into consideration other peoples’ needs. I think the ideal way is for both parties to be concerned about the other’s needs, and to actually do something about it. In this negotiation, the other side easily could have given up some of their profits and made my team’s lives better. But, they did what was best for them at great cost to us. I don’t like that, but that’s how capitalism works.

Capitalism/the free market economy works by letting people act in their own self-interest, without real regard to the other person(s) they are dealing with. I think capitalism is the best choice for our world as it currently stands; however, I don’t think it’s the best system. As we act more and more in our self-interest, and forget the needs of others only to have gain for ourselves, we are slowing tearing our world apart. I won’t go into that though; that’s a huge issue.

Needless to say, we live in a free market economy in the U.S. (mostly), and like I said, I think that’s the best we can hope for right now. I do wish for more, but it isn’t possible right now, and that leaves me in a disadvantaged state when it comes to negotiating. I want to be lenient with people so we can maximize value for both parties; the other person just wants to maximize value for him/her and isn’t lenient at all. The result is they do well, I get screwed and then blog about it when I get home.

I’m not good at negotiating in this type of environment. In fact, I don’t think I’m good at negotiating at all.

I like how Captain Moroni negotiates, it simple:

“I command you…that ye deliver up your weapons of war unto us, and we will seek not your blood, but we will spare your lives, if ye will go your way and come not again to war against us.
“And now, if ye do not this, behold, ye are in our hands, and I will command my men that they shall fall upon you, and inflict the wounds of death in your bodies, that ye may become extinct; and then we will see who shall have power over this people; yea, we will see who shall be brought into bondage.”

That’s from the Book of Mormon. Alma 44:6-7. (If you don’t know what the Book of Mormon is, contact me, I’ll tell you about it—it’s a book that has changed my life.)

I like that. “You do what we say, we don’t kill you.” Now, there are some factors you have to consider. Captain Moroni was right in defending his lands and people; his enemies (the Lamanites) had no right to be fighting Capt. Moroni’s people. Moroni was right; he shouldn’t give any leeway to an army who is in the wrong. He followed correct principles. He didn’t seek his own will, he sought to follow what was right—and he did.

That’s how I like to negotiate, both parties compile the facts and we find out what—in principle—is the best deal to achieve. What do both parties really need? What don’t they need?

I know of a man who has done well in business—in other words, he has some extra money. But now he does things to help other people. He’s very generous in helping out other people. He doesn’t need to be, but he is. He could seek after more money for himself, but instead he finds ways to put that money to better use by giving it to others who have more need of it than he does. I think it’s a truly great thing.

In negotiations, one party may have a greater need than the other. In that case, I think the less-needy party should be willing to sacrifice to help the other. If our nations operated like that, our world would be great. If we followed correct principles, and our negotiations we all about finding the correct principles and following them, our world would be great.

That’s why I like how Captain Moroni negotiates—he was following a correct principle, not just doing what he wanted (although I’m certain his true desire was the same as correct principle would dictate). He was absolute, but only because he was doing what was right.

We’d be better if we sought after doing what is right and correct—even if that means sacrificing our own wants and desires. The world would be better; we would all be happier. But that would mean that we would have to live in equality—in other words, there wouldn’t be socio-economic divisions. There would be no rich, no poor, no middle class. That sounds great, and indeed it is. However, the pride in us all would tell us that we can only be happy if we are better off than the next guy. The pride in us tells that in order to be successful, someone else must fail.

That’s not true, but that philosophy seems to run much of the world. I hope it changes. I hope I can change. I’m certainly far from perfect in what I am preaching, but I hope one day I will fully practice what I have just preached. I hope we can all work towards this ideal. My final thought:

I have said to myself at times before, “I don’t want to be the big fish in a small pond. I don’t want to be a small fish in a big pond. I don’t want to be the big fish in the big pond. I want to live in a pond where no one cares how big a fish you are or how big a pond we’re in.”

Thanks for reading.

Concerning Snuggies -- Used Snuggies That Is -- Just for Fun

2010-01-23T00:35:00.000-08:00

So today I was thinking about getting a snuggie for someone as a gag gift. But I don't want to spend $15-$20 on one. Then I thought that I maybe I could find a used snuggie--on ebay maybe. Then I had an epiphany:

A used snuggie may not be the best thing.

Just sayin'.

Drama Movies

2010-01-15T22:24:00.000-08:00

So today I was buying movies, a lot of them. F.Y.E. has used movies for cheap—I just found that out today, and in turn spent a lot of money. It was worth it though.

As I was saying.

I perused the comedy and action sections somewhat thoroughly, but when I saw the drama section, I pretty much thought, “Meh,” and I didn’t look through it at all except for one movie.

I realized later that that’s kind of a sad statement. Maybe I should like movies that are about telling a good story, and not just cool action or funny jokes.

And then a little bit later it donned on me that I really like that one movie I was looking for—which is a drama. And my favorite movie—Gattaca—is also a drama. So maybe I should watch more drama movies.

And then, as I was writing this right now, I realized this is a perfect example of how we tend to pursue that which we do not really want, and leave alone that which we greatly desire. It’s true, and it can easily keep us from where we really want to be.

By the way, the movie I was looking for—and found—is Thirteen Days. It’s a really good show.

You Can't Date Harder - Rant/Humorous

2010-01-05T22:21:00.000-08:00

So, I'm quite single. Actually, "quite" isn't strong enough, I'm very single right now. Actually, "right now" isn't broad enough, I've been very single for a long time. And just like every other LDS single person over the age of 22, I get plenty of encouragement to get married. Actually, "encouragement" isn't accurate enough, I've gone through a lot of hell* for it.

Chances are, there are going to be a lot of posts with me ranting about dating.

But for now, I'd just like to say one thing: THERE'S ONLY SO MUCH YOU CAN DO!!!!

You see, most LDS people--especially the married ones--think that you can just date harder. Cause if you're single, it's obviously your fault, and you should easily be able to find a spouse and get married any time you wish...

Wrong.

Finding a spouse isn't like finding Waldo. In the Where's Waldo books, no matter how hard it was to find Waldo, if you looked hard enough, he would turn up.

Waldo ≠ spouse.

So for all you "encouraging" people out there, who think getting married is as easy making Macaroni and Cheese:
1. Shut up.
2. You're wrong.
3. I've attached a Where's Waldo image; get to work.

*For all you people who are just thinking, "Ryan swore?!?!" I don't consider this usage to be swearing. So hah!

Facebook Stalking - Just for Fun/Confession

2009-12-27T03:52:00.002-08:00

Okay I’m just going to throw this out there. Anybody who has Facebook—and is single*—has probably done some snooping around someone’s profile. In particular, they’ve snooped on someone they have a crush on. I call it Facebook stalking, and yes, I just did some about twenty minutes ago; I found some interesting things.

But here’s the bad part, now if I ever actually talk to her, I have to act like I don’t know any of the things I found out about her. I’m not good at acting, so this can be problematic at times. It’s not like I can say, “So I saw on your Facebook page that you…” because then they’ll know you stalked, and for some reason, people tend to get creeped out by Facebook stalking—even though they probably do it themselves.

I’ll bet y’all want to know who I stalked…

*Married people probably do it too, it’s just that I have no experience with that side of life.

Concerning Snuggies - Just for Fun

2009-12-27T03:52:00.001-08:00

First of all, “snuggie” came up as being misspelled in Microsoft Word’s spell checker. Come on Bill! Get with it! Maybe they’ll fix in Office 09’. But anyways. I was going to pull out my computer and do a little bit o’ blogging, but it’s a tad cold being here in Utah during the winter. I was thinking:

“A blanket would be great! But it’d be hard to type with one. What I really need is a blanket with with sleeves—like, a snuggie!”

Yeah, I just admitted to it, I wouldn’t mind a snuggie at times. They would be nice. I gotta admit, if it weren’t for the awful advertising and marketing, I think I would have bought one already. But because they have such a nerdy reputation, I can’t do it.

They way I look at it, anytime a friend—especially a girl I like—came over to my apartment, I’d have to hide it. I wouldn’t want to admit to owning one of those; I’d be an underground snuggie user.

This is just proof that it isn’t what you sell, but how you sell it.

My Knowledge of Celebrities - About Me

2009-12-25T02:30:00.000-08:00

So I was looking at a friend’s blog who had a link to someone I sort of know—she’s a cute girl who really doesn’t know me, so what do I do? I go to her blog for a little bit of “reconnaissance.” It was harmless really, and I actually didn’t read too much, but what I did read led me to learn about myself.

She had a posting showing pictures she had taken with some celebrities she had come across at a party. I didn’t recognize any them—there were probably five or six.

Shows you how up-to-date I am on celebrities, and more so, it shows you how much I care about them. That’s just a little bit about me.

And So It Begins...

2009-12-25T01:14:00.001-08:00

So, it’s 1:49 A.M. on Dec. 25, 2009—yes, that’s Christmas morning. I’m awake, even though I went to bed just after 10:00 P.M. Yes, that was almost four hours ago. I can’t sleep.

It’s not because I’m excited for Christmas day tomorrow (not that I’m unexcited). But I’m not getting any presents. You see, in my family, we’re pretty practical—and me being an accounting grad student, I’m quite practical as well—probably too practical.

I already have my present; I ordered it the Monday after Thanksgiving—with my money. I owed my parents some money for some furniture, and I paid them over Thanksgiving. I said, “Why don’t I just take the cost of my Christmas present out of the check that I owe you. I’ll buy the present with my money, and then we’re even and we’ve minimized transactions.”

And that was that. I ordered it, and had it shipped to my apartment in Los Angeles. It’s a small surround sound system, by the way. And yes, I ordered it about a month before Christmas; we won’t go into that.

So, basically, I have no presents because I already have my present. So, essentially, there’s no reason to be excited about opening presents because I don’t have any. I remember as a kid not being able to sleep due to the excitement of opening all those glorious presents, but that does nothing to explain the situation now.

But for now, I’m awake, it’s 1:58 now. And since I couldn’t sleep, I figured I do the logical thing and start a blog. Truth is, I’ve been meaning to, but just never got around to it. And I think this will help me fall asleep soon, and here’s why:

I was lying in bed for over three hours with all sorts of things running through my mind. First we’re thoughts of the future, and how I would specifically handle those things. I then got up and had a bowl of cereal thinking that would help me get to sleep—wrong.

I went back to bed and started thinking about other things—I’m not sure what exactly, but I do remember pondering long and hard about a topic that deeply affects us all, the BCS. That’s the Bowl Championship Series of college football, in case you didn’t know.

I came to a few meaningful conclusions. One, the BCS is unfair and absolutely sucks. Two, it in no way affects the quality of my life. Three, I shouldn’t care about it.

Yeah, you’re right, I still care, and the BCS still annoys me. I really want TCU playing in the national championship game, and I wouldn’t mind seeing Boise State beat Florida. But, it doesn’t matter really, so I got off of that subject.

And then, I got onto the subject that I think was really keeping me awake—it’ll be in my next post…